Back Inaction!

Whew! My internet is running smooth now. We had water in the lines? Apparently the wiring all had to be redone because it was done incorrectly from the get go. Why it only began to give us problems this Spring is beyond me.

The really great thing about being without internet is that I was forced to do other things with my time. I started playing guitar again (YAY! I've Got Blisters On My Fingers!!!) I exercised. Just weights. No running yet because I am still trying to fight this bronchial/sore throat thing that is just hanging on to me like a nursing baby with teeth! I also began writing a few poems that are not finished yet. I may post them when I am done.

Oldest is sick again. I have been pretty bummed about it. I am so damn sick of sickness. I am sick of fevers, crying, whining (my own included), snot, etcetera, etcetera. This is a throw up illness which we have not had in this long, really drawn out played to the hilt stretch of illnesses. It has been five weeks people that some combination of our family members have been sick!

Ahhhh. As I type this, I am sitting next to an open window soaking in the cool air of a barely audible spring rain. The Universe has heard my cries for help and as usual has provided. Good thing I was paying attention. It usually is in the small things. Some deep inhilations and some guitar playing should make it all better. At least for a little while.

Still no visual art of my doing abounds. Waiting...

It's Getting Better All the Time

I am feeling MUCH better today. Of course the weather helped tremendously - sunny and high 60's. Yeah Spring! So the boys and I took a blanket to the park and read books and had snacks and poked at a dead bird and I watched the boys trap ants. I finished reading Cruddy by Linda Barry so that I could return it to my good friend, Sharon, who is a huge Linda Barry fan and I am sure is wanting her book back by now. Let me tell you it was a messed up story. It was very well written, but sort of dark. There was a lot of dysfunction, death, and overall heaviness. Not necessarily the thing to read when you are ill. But on a sunny day in the park, I could handle it. It feels good to have finished two books this week. I have been trying to read them simultaneously and it gets a little slow doing it that way.

I did shower today for like a half an hour. It felt good to get the grime off. Helpful Hint #142: DON'T SIT AROUND WITH A TEMPERATURE OF 101.5 IN A POLYESTER BLEND SHIRT. Bad news, lemme tell ya. Anyhoo...off to my artist meeting.

Next book on my night stand is The Zen of Creativity by John Daido Loori. Can't wait.

I Wish I Could Levitate

Okay, I am sick again. Big Blazin' Bummer. Being sick interrupts everything and my kids start acting out because they have been couped up and watching way too much T.V. But, illness kind of forces you to have to go - oh well. I can't do a lot about a whole lot until I can get well and out of bed.

High Points Of My Day
1. Finished reading Geri Larkin's book
2. Had an hour and a half conversation with my brother
3. Read Shenehneh Jenkin's Blog Oh My Goodness and LMFAO! I'm gonna put a link to her from my site if she doesn't mind. Too funny not to share.
4. My son came into my room while I was reading 'Oh My Goodness' and he read the title as "Oh My Goodness." I proceeded to explain that he wasn't saying it quite right and had to teach him how to say "Oh Mah Goooooness." Hehe. It was so funny practicing ebonics with my eight year old who doesn't even know what ebonics is. But I keep hearing him go around the house practicing it like he really wants to get it right "Oh mah gooooness" he keeps saying as awkwardly as a white home schooled kid would. It is hilarious. Oh and picture this...an eight year old white kid saying "Oh mah goooooness" over and over to a chihuahua. See we learn really important things in our homeschooling? Don't we? Hey we laugh together a lot and I do believe that laughter is a great coping skill for life. So, don't knock it.
5. Reading my husband's blog (see link A Box Unhinged.) **Grin**
6. Reading my cousin Angie's blog (who was my partner in crime growing up - see link Ridgerunner) I am so happy you are bloggin' now!!!
7. A pack of Ritz crackers and three glasses of water
8. My husband bringing lunch to the kids so I wouldn't have to get up and make it. See why I love him soooooo much???

Low Points Of My Day
1. Seriously, terrible headache that goes on hyperthrob everytime I have to get up
2. Terrible achy back, arm aches, ass aches everything!!
3. Younger one yelling at older one for putting lavendar in his bank. Me yelling at older one for getting into MY stuff, I mean it is MY LAVENDAR for my relaxing long baths and then they calmly stop me with grins on their faces and tell me it wasn't my bathroom herbs but the gecko named Lavendar.
4. Not spending enough time with my boys.

Okay so there was a lot of sedentary activity today. I wish I could levitate. That would give me something cool to do while just laying around besides feeling the oil build up on my hair and face hour by hour. It is not lookin' much better right now. I think I'm going to play City of Heroes with my hubby and try to get to sleep early. Hopefully, I will feel spry tomorrow and ready for our Mother Artist's group meeting. I miss my art mom buddies! I promise I'll shower first if this headache goes away!

Haiku

One who seeks himself
In the vastness of the world
Will only stay lost
by Me


Haiku is a great exercise in mindful speech as there are such limitations to how you can get your point across. I think I am going to continue to play with this as I contemplate the whole concept of right speech.

Heart Shaped World

The heart appears to us again and again in nature...leaves, rocks, clouds, wood grain, the shape of a human face. It is a universal symbol of love. Could it be a reminder, a message from the universe? With every click of our heels, we find that the answer has been not only in our own back yards all along but all around us. The universe is screaming it out to us. Yet we overlook it, take it for granted, miss it because it is too simple or too obvious. My then five year old son told me that he thinks that love is the code of the universe. Hmmmm. Out of the mouths of babes... Could it be? Could it be that "love conquers all" is more than just something we say to make others feel better? Could it be something to believe? Un raison d'etre? What do we actually know love can conquer? What might love conquer? What do we wish love would conquer?

I was thinking that maybe our ability to recognize love corresponds directly to whether or not we have been shown love with quality being more important than quantity. You could have love everyday of your life, but if it is tainted with expectations, strings, manipulations, obligations it wouldn't exactly prepare you or show you how to recognize, understand, give or receive the highest, purest love...unconditional, free, peaceful, blissful love. That is the love that moves people and causes change. That is the kind of love that Martin Luther King and Ghandi were speaking of. That is the kind of love that can possibly balance the universe. Couldn't it? If you have this love, know this love...it is your duty to give this love and show this love...in a smile, in compassion, understanding, grace...however you can.

Home

I have returned from Sesshin. I feel rejuvenated but tired. It was tremendously powerful. It is amazing what you unravel when you sit and can't get away from yourself. I find that I really do know the the way when I am lost because 9 times out of 10 I am the one who has created the maze. It causes me to laugh at myself more. I am amused by how complex we make things just to make us seem like bigger parts of the universe than we really are. However, when you realize you are just you and that is enough, peace happens...beautiful, blissful peace.

I now have to struggle with not trying to hold onto this peace as if it were something outside of myself. Being home I have to remain open to the flow of circumstances and people around me. My humaness causes me to want to grasp the peace and hold it tight. I want to maintain it as long as possible. However, this causes inflexibility and resistance to anything that might disturb this peace. It is inflexibility and resistance that creates suffering. So, the best that I can do is breath and allow for whatever changes because nothing stays the same and really...that is okay. Why should it? Just for me? I am just me. Yet, that's it. That is enough. I am enough just the way I am. Ahhh. Sigh of relief here. Everytime I remember this, I am flooded with such apreciation. I see my place alongside all of the other wondrous beauties and perfect systems in the Universe and I feel like I don't have to be anything more than what I am now, at this minute.

My Zen teacher is awesome. He had some messages about the importance of trust and confidence. He has a wonderful way of saying just the right sentence at just the right moment.
Right speech. This man has perfected it. He really thinks about what he says before he says it. He only says what is absolutely necessary. His message may be only a short one, but it becomes so much more powerful without all of the other extraneous filler words, sentences, feelings, opinions added in. I wonder how much less I could say. I am quite attatched to using language for expression. This would be difficult for me. I guess I should look at it as using language more effectively. If language is a tool, then like a wrench it is more effective if I really grasp it while using it. Something to work on.

It is good to be home. It is good to be missed and welcomed back lovingly into my family. I am grateful for these moments.