Home

I have returned from Sesshin. I feel rejuvenated but tired. It was tremendously powerful. It is amazing what you unravel when you sit and can't get away from yourself. I find that I really do know the the way when I am lost because 9 times out of 10 I am the one who has created the maze. It causes me to laugh at myself more. I am amused by how complex we make things just to make us seem like bigger parts of the universe than we really are. However, when you realize you are just you and that is enough, peace happens...beautiful, blissful peace.

I now have to struggle with not trying to hold onto this peace as if it were something outside of myself. Being home I have to remain open to the flow of circumstances and people around me. My humaness causes me to want to grasp the peace and hold it tight. I want to maintain it as long as possible. However, this causes inflexibility and resistance to anything that might disturb this peace. It is inflexibility and resistance that creates suffering. So, the best that I can do is breath and allow for whatever changes because nothing stays the same and really...that is okay. Why should it? Just for me? I am just me. Yet, that's it. That is enough. I am enough just the way I am. Ahhh. Sigh of relief here. Everytime I remember this, I am flooded with such apreciation. I see my place alongside all of the other wondrous beauties and perfect systems in the Universe and I feel like I don't have to be anything more than what I am now, at this minute.

My Zen teacher is awesome. He had some messages about the importance of trust and confidence. He has a wonderful way of saying just the right sentence at just the right moment.
Right speech. This man has perfected it. He really thinks about what he says before he says it. He only says what is absolutely necessary. His message may be only a short one, but it becomes so much more powerful without all of the other extraneous filler words, sentences, feelings, opinions added in. I wonder how much less I could say. I am quite attatched to using language for expression. This would be difficult for me. I guess I should look at it as using language more effectively. If language is a tool, then like a wrench it is more effective if I really grasp it while using it. Something to work on.

It is good to be home. It is good to be missed and welcomed back lovingly into my family. I am grateful for these moments.