Here Comes the Sun...Do...Do...Do...Do

I realized something in my meditation this morning. I have been too attatched to results. This attatchment has been creating such a huge problem for me. I have been trying to hold on to my previous successes and of course this is impossible. But, I began judging each session by comparing it to those great moments instead of allowing each moment to be great just as they are. Uuugh. This is not new stuff to me and it is frustrating to see this come up in my practice again. However, with this realization comes new light. My mood lifted and I feel as though I have come back to myself again. I think this is one of the things Suzuki was talking about when he spoke of trying to maintain the Beginner's Mind. He spoke of letting your mind play and to be open to spontaneous thoughts. I have been too disciplined, pushing those thoughts out of my head attatched to the breath and attaining the no thought state. It feels good to think of allowing my mind to be playful again. Practice is serious but not to be taken too seriously. I feel liberated knowing that this is something I have the power to change all in changing my perspective. I don't have to sit in the dark wondering when someone else is going to turn the light on. Now I feel so silly...oh well. It happens. I wonder if it happens to people who have been practicing Zen for many years? Probably.