How Much Do You Love Me?

I was tucking in my boys the other night and I got one of those Mom rewards that makes it all worth it for a little while longer. I leaned down to kiss my youngest. He had decided to make a sleeping bag out of his blanket and sleep on the floor. So, I was down on the floor with him and he held my face in his little hands. He softly kissed my forehead, each cheek, each eyebrow, my lips...one by one and then repeated it. He wrapped his arms around me tight and said these words...

Mommy,
I love you all the way up to space and down,
Up to space and down again,
and then more than there are fishes in any liquid.

Wow! That's a lot of love - isn't it? All I know is that I have got to be the luckiest Mother in the whole universe right now!

Let's hope that we can be mindful of this connection and allow it to carry us through another winter day here in Columbus, Ohio. I am so ready for Spring. We are all getting antsy and the boys have been at each other more frequently. I have been edgy and overemotional. Paul and I have been bickering.

My meditation helps but I really need more reinforcement in my practice right now. I am reading, Stumbling Toward Enlightenment by Geri Larkin (I can't underline on this blog for some reason - that's retarded. There is bold and italic but no underline feature?) Hopefully that will help. Reading, is in itself, soothing and relaxing. But reading about Zen is almost as good as a meditation. So far, the book is refreshing. She is the head of the Ann Arbor Zen Center now. But her path has included kids, a career, and a couple of divorces to get to where she is now. Her style is very down to Earth, accessible Zen. She is a modern women devoted to her spiritual path but speaks of sex, chocolate (you know, the basics) and failure. The things that are not closely associated with spiritual path but should be because every experience can be a stepping stone to your higher self development. I am only on chapter three, so I'll let you know.

Most of what I have read has been written by older males who did not have to balance spirituality with parenting much less a menstrual cycle, husband, cooking, kissing booboo's, cleaning puke etc. While I feel I have learned a lot from my readings thus far, I am curious about these practical everyday things that come up and pull me straight out of my peaceful nothingness. I believe the path of a Mother, my path, is a serious path with all of these tests happening often simultaneously. Guidance for this particular path is rare. So I am looking forward to what Geri Larkin has to share. Who knows, maybe when I am older and wiser, I'll write my own book about Zen mothering. It will be entitled, The Zen Art of Not Beating Your Children. Breathing helps tremendously. Mala beads also helpful. Not getting entwined in their stuff would be optimum - not there yet. They push my buttons and I get yanked in before I even realize it. They have got to be the best Zen teachers yet!

Today we are staying home. Today is Holi, a Hindu holiday known as the festival of colors (thanks Sheetal.) So we are going to paint our bodies, use colored water in spray bottles to soak one another and fingerpaint with bright colors. Then we are going to have Indian food for dinner. I wanted to go to the North Market and get my favorite Indian food there. But, lunch would have been to crowded and we were too busy reading Harry Potter to get up and get dressed to head downtown. So, we are going to share Indian food with my brother and sister-in-law tonight. I am excited to share this celebration with my kids because things have been so gray and dreary here. Plus, my sister in law just found out she is preggo with their first so we are all feeling pretty festive.

The festival of colors is supposed to allow us to welcome the oncoming Spring and celebrate the color that comes into our lives in that season. In my opinion, that is just way cooler than Easter. My kids say they still like Easter better. But any holiday involving candy would be difficult to compete with no matter what religion. Color has energy. I am energized at the thought of what this day means to Hindus. We should do some yoga also! That would be appropriate. Woohoo!

I am now blowing a kiss to everyone. I hope color comes into everyone's lives and energizes everyone with some serious positive energy today!!!!!!SMOOCHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Holi!